Tuesday Tip #6 – Date Night

Category: Marriage

Purpose: Longevity, romance and sanity

Materials: babysitter, cash (though with a bit of creativity you can do this with little or no cash)

The success of this tip rests in: creativity, commitment and consistency

DATE NIGHT: Once a week go out on a date with your spouse. No kids, no work, no extended family… just you two loving on each other. Make it a special time to look forward to. This is not the time to balance the check book or visit your grandma in the hospital. This is a time for you to fall in love all over again. Trust me guys; this is not just for the gals. The nocturnal activities that follow are quite pleasurable as well.

Testimonial: At the beauty salon this week I was the envy of all the gals there when they asked me how I kept a marriage strong for 12 years and I told them that part of the secret is our dates. They were especially jealous when I told them that we are more in love now than when we were newly-weds.

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11 thoughts on “Tuesday Tip #6 – Date Night

  1. That’s what I’m saying, Danielle. I love date nights! And I agree they are vital – but no way can I afford a babysitter (or find a willing free babysitter) once a week.

    But SOON, er, in five years or so, my son can be the babysitter.
    I love date nights with Andrew, and I hope to make them happen more frequently, it just seems impossible for us right now given that my school takes up many of our nights, and we have no date-night-cash room in our budget.

    But we are still way more in love now that when we were newlyweds – I give the credit for that to praying together.

  2. I have to say we do not do date nights with any regularity, but sometimes we go on a date without leaving the house.
    I feed the kids hot dogs at regular dinner time(or whatever they like that is quick and easy to prepare) and put them to bed at the regular time.
    When they are in bed we start cooking OUR dinner, have a glass of wine, turn on the music we like, put on our date clothes and stay in, we light candles, set the table nicely.
    We have had some of our best conversations on these nights.
    Now don’t get me wrong I love to go out, but most of the time it just doesn’t work out for us so this is our alternate.
    Thanks Angie for the inspiration.
    Carin

  3. My jaw dropped- you caught me by surprise when you busted out w/…”The nocturnal activities that follow are quite pleasurable as well”. WOWA. You go friend, you go…

  4. Here’s something that might interest your readers.

    I interviewed a bunch of missionary mom on this topic, mostly ones working in Central Asia, and many of them found ‘date night’ and ‘family night’ crucial survival techniques. Their Central Asian friends and neighbors did not get it at all – in their culture dating is practically unheard of, either before or after marriage! Men and women just aren’t friends, even if they are married. And that added stress on these western women, especially when they were new to the culture. They thought: is my man going to become like these guys here and stop paying attention to me?

    Regular, special times together like dates, even if they were countercultural and even if there were only two places in town you could go, reminded both the men and the women that they were still valued.

    Sometimes it required leaving their conservative towns and villages and going to the big city where they could relax a bit. Trips out of country, though stressful, were also key to preserving marriages and families.

    One couple I spent a lot of time with was doing quite a bit of marriage counseling, which is tough when you are speaking into a very different culture. And the Central Asian cultures are more like the biblical cultures, in good and not so good ways. Do you think Abraham and Sarah had ‘date’ nights? Probably not. But what my friends did was to seriously study what’s cultural and what’s biblical and sit down with the local believers and open the scriptures with them, usually in groups of couples and not alone, and ask, what does the Bible say to us about marriage? How are we going to respond?

    Many of the local believers had a very difficult time balancing ‘honor your mother and father’ (which jives great with the culture) and ‘leave and cleave to your wife’ (which doesn’t). But as they, westerners and central Asians together, sat under the word, they found ways to let it speak into their lives.

    So, while the Central Asian, Muslim-background-believer church may never start promoting ‘date night,’ married couples in them can learn to give each other love, security, and respect in meaningful ways.

  5. The responses here are great!

    Danielle and Amy – An idea friends of ours have employed is to organize a group of families with children and rotate homes for sitting responsibilities. It works well with 4 or more couples. You decide all together what evening the date night will take place. The kids are all dropped off at the hosting couple’s house with the one rule that the non-baby kids are fed before they come. The other couples have the night free to do as they like. They don’t have to pay a sitter, they only have to host every once in a while.

    Carin your idea is fabulous!

    Michelle – Oo-lah-lah! I have heard that before… can I just say: Yesss!!!

    Amy – :-)

    Marti – That information is very interesting. Thank you for sharing it. The idea of going out as husband and wife is rather foreign here as well. I can understand the women being worried about their husbands adapting to the culture so drastically that they are treated as inferior persons. Here a great concern among missionary wives is that their husbands will be tempted to assume the accepted practice of having a mistress on the side. While our anxieties as married missionary women may seem absurd they are a felt issue that we must confront on a daily basis. The stress of life might inflate the fears; still this is something that must be addressed. Actually, there are some weeks where we have to get out more than once and we, also, see it as an indispensable survival technique.

  6. Thanks, Ang!! I love it! I sent a copy to my hubby. :) I think we need more creative ideas for date night – we always end up spending at leat $50 … which isn’t really conducive to once a week. Love the suggestion!

  7. Annie – You made me smile when you said you sent it to your husband; that is great! Hearing that you need ideas for economical date nights reminded me of something DaRonn and I did when we were pinching pennies in the States. We did “dollar dates”. We would go to the mall and split up after deciding on a meeting place for an half an hour later. We would each get a dollar. The goal was to go find something to buy as a little gift for the other not exceeding a dollar. Then when we met back together we would exchange the gifts and explain why we got them. Then we might grab a cheap snack at the food court before heading back home. You could put the $ limit at $3 or even $5 and it would still accomplish its purposes.

    If anyone else has any creative ideas for dates that you would like to share feel free to use this comment space to do so. Thanks ahead of time – I love hearing new ideas! :-)

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