The social worker came for the follow up visit. She sat on the couch in front of me, the children busy close around me here and there. She watched. Comments uttered came through smiles and nods. She noticed her improved skin. She noticed how she played with her new siblings. She noticed her confidence. The questions came later after she was able to soak in the pleasant scene before her.
My guard was completely down by this time. After just a couple weeks of having my newest daughter in our home as part of our family I was unsure about what the social worker would be looking for as she evaluated our level of bonding. Had we bonded enough? Was she content with how Kaitlynn interacted with us? What obscure thing would she point out as unacceptable? These and other absurd fears had that tiny little corner of my soul frantic at the thought of this little girl being taken away from us if we didn’t serve tea correctly during the visit. But now seeing the social worker smile I relaxed my shoulders, calmed my breathing and enjoyed the conversation.
Questions to the whole family about our experiences so far were answered candidly. She reassured us and encouraged us that things looked great. Then she steered our thoughts towards the future.
“Have you considered the revelación?”
DaRonn and I looked at each other. We had never heard the term before in regards to adoption. We knew she was a Christian, but the English word for the book of Revelations is Apocalipsis not revelación. Up until now we had only been speaking Spanish. She saw the confused looks we were exchanging so tried her bit of English.
“What you think about the revelation?”
Nope, that did not help. Still that term. I asked her to explain. Graciously she did.
Evidently the ‘revelation’ refers to the moment when Kaitlynn will become consciously aware that she is adopted. The social worker was interested in how we had planned on handling that. Since DaRonn and I had discussed and researched this aspect before we were able to talk with the social worker about how we imagined this unfolding for our family. She added some helpful suggestions and the visit came to a close with relief on everyone’s faces.
Since that day I have been watching Kaitlynn’s personality. She is docile person and very personable. She is smart, complacent and obedient. When I try to think about what it will be like when she finds out I imagine that she will take it in stride. I am not sure yet how emotional it will be. I am pretty sure it will happen in parts, gradually; similar to how children are educated about the differences between genders and all that those facts imply. The information we provide will be age appropriate and we will make ourselves completely available to her as she discovers this marvelous aspect of her being.
I do often contemplate what her feelings will be about the adoption culture in this country. By the time she is able to reason about it there may be some improvements. If things stay relatively the same and we continue on with the work that God has placed in our hands I do wonder what her thoughts will be.
When she looks around and sees children living in the streets begging for food. When she befriends the children at The House of Dreams. When she visits the orphanage she was adopted out of. When she hears us tell of her birth parents and the events leading up to God placing her in our arms. When she contemplates if and with whom she will share such intimate details. What will her main response be? Compassion? Disdain? Pity? Indifference? Anger? Embarrassment? A desire to be involved? Inspiration to help? A burden to pray? [fill in the blank] ??? Only God knows.
I don’t worry about it. It may be comparable to when my older children started to understand the revelation that they are missionary kids. My oldest was only slightly older than my youngest is now when we first landed in this land almost ten years ago. Some of the talks about why and what for and how long have not been easy. I don’t anticipate adoption talks will be all easy either. I do know for sure that I will not avoid any question from any of my children as these revelations unfold. It’s just not my style to shirk or redirect in those moments.
We will talk together, discover together, pray together, cry together if needs be, laugh together and move forward together. Truth be told, this intimate, heart matter stuff is one of my favorite parts of parenting.
Do you remember encountering a ‘revelación’ when you were young? I would appreciate hearing about your experience. You can use the comment space below or send a personal message. Thanks!