Forgiveness: a Synonym for Adoption

Adoption covers a multitude of sin. Forgiveness of the redeeming nature rarely lends itself to comfort or ease. Not all the points following surround every adoption in existence, but I can guarantee that every adoptive parent wrestles with forgiveness to some degree.  My personal observations:

  • I forgive the birth parents who allowed this child of mine to live in the conditions she did for the length of time she did.
  • I forgive the officials who probably traumatized her during her ‘rescue’.
  • I forgive society for the fact that such realities as my daughter has lived through exist.
  • I forgive the social services agency, the courts, the judges and all other government entities who I am sure are doing their darnedest but whose darnedest is painfully not nearly enough.
  • I forgive the orphanage workers who made my daughter comfortable in an institution. Oddly enough these same people receive my utmost gratitude and admiration for their work of mercy.
  • I forgive the strangers who stare and say unthinking things.
  • I forgive the acquaintances who stare and say unthinking things.
  • I forgive dear ones who intend no harm but might every so often do or say things that I perceive as hurtful either because I didn’t take the time to hear their heart or I am just a bit worn out from processing things that I am short tempered, which is no excuse it just is what it is and it makes it hard.
  • I forgive my biological children for remarks and actions taken as they process having a new sibling.
  • I forgive my husband for apparently being better at connecting with this tiny person who did not gestate in his body. Of course he had practice with it four times over and this is my first time around. Still I thought it would be easier for me and I see it as ‘easy’ for him and I have to just get over it.
  • I forgive my adopted daughter time and again… as is the case with all of my children.
  • I forgive myself for so many things like: lack of patience, lack of love, lack of preparation, prayerlessness, selfishness, jumping to conclusions, just plain laziness, unrealistic expectations, etc.

These paths of forgiveness have ruts worn down as I revisit them almost daily, and I am sure that my journey of forgiveness has only just begun.

In continuing with the theme of disclosure I will say that at times I stand and stare at these hard paths contemplating if I want to walk the road of forgiveness. There are times I choose to turn my back on what could be the sorrowful path to a freer heart. Yes, there are time I make the conscious choice to not forgive. These are dark moments. When the forks of avoidance turn me back round again in a depressing loop to the same point  I stand staring once again at the choice to forgive.

Then, labored steps move me beyond the tough spot in the route of forgiveness. With each painful, conscious decision to forgive I am sweetly reminded of the passage as though Jesus were speaking directly to me:

47 “I tell you, her sins—and they are many—have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love.” 48 Then Jesus said to the woman, “Your sins are forgiven.” (Luke 7:46-48)

To love much I remember what great forgiveness has been shown to me.

Today, may we choose great forgiveness.


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12 thoughts on “Forgiveness: a Synonym for Adoption

  1. thank you for that reminder, i think that is so true of life in general, we could all write a list of the people we have needed to forgive and will need to forgive in the future. this is one of the keys to living a free in Christ life. thank you again, Kerry

    1. Joe, I am so glad that God put you and Denise in my life as a shining example of love that just keeps on giving. Thanks!

  2. excellent. thank you for your transparency. you put into words the same things i have done when avoiding forgiveness. i rationalize myself by saying that i just need a break and i will come back to the choice stronger and more able to face the challenge when in reality i am just avoiding and i come back to the decision to forgive a more humble person. its deffinetly a process. and just when i think that i have made progress, something comes up that i didn’t realize i was holding onto and yet again i am back at the beginning. thanks for your post.

    1. Shawn, I am glad to hear that you can relate. I thank God that He extends His mercy to aid us in this process. Love you!

  3. I love the raw reality of this post. Thank you for putting your life into words and revealing your heart. I, too, need to forgive so many so much everyday. We are all fallen beings and we live in a fallen world. There is so much pain and hurt here. I’m so glad for the gift of forgiveness our Lord has given me. Thanks for the reminder that that is what enables me to love much. I am grateful for the forgiveness He has called me to show to others because it makes me so much more free. Forgiveness is a beautiful gift that keeps us from defiling many. Thank you for your example of being a forgiving person. Thanks for being a person who sacrifices her ‘rights’ in order to forgive and show a life of submission to the Forgiver of all.

    1. Denise, your words are, as always, such a sweet comfort. Thank you for understanding and appreciating. You are right in affirming that forgiveness is a gift that keeps us from defiling many. Were it not for His grace…

  4. “There are times I choose to turn my back on what could be the sorrowful path to a freer heart.”
    I think it’s beautiful, in a hard to swallow kind of way, how God truly gives us beauty in the midst of ashes and although it’s hard to face that ‘sorrowful path’ that it indeed leads to that ‘freer heart’ of which you speak.
    Beautiful post.

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